Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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