Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
