I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
