im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
