He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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