I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
