Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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