It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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