Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
