He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
