So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
