I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
