Apparently you make a good broom.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
worst night to have a conscience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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