Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
we have pet lesbian snakes
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
