We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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