even my farts smell like vagina
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
