I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
