i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
