So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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