I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
