It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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