Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
