He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
