my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
