it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
