So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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