puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
