Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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