if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just want nice things and good sex
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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