I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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