I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
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You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
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he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
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