Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I looked at my own cervix.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
