my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
