I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
