I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
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