Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
There's a naked man in my car right now.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
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