what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
