Only a mothe r could love this liver
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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