it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
