I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
