After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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