Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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