Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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