It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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