Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
being pregnant is like rehab
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
