If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
