he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
