what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
