Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
