do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
