Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
