remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
