Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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