Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
