and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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