I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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