I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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