No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
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I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
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you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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