the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
