Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
dude i'm inner monologue high
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
