He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize