I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
