And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Never underestimate the power of titties
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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