You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
