covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
