just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
