i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
