I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
What drink are we having for lunch?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
