I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
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