you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
