I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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